Children learn reading, writing, and math in Kindergarten, but they learn many other things as well. They learn how to get along with others, how to work in groups, and how to participate in a classroom. These skills are just as important as the academic skills taught in school. Research has shown that students who have strong emotional regulation skills do better academically than those who struggle to control their emotions.
To help your child learn and grow to his full potential in Kindergarten, you will want to work at home with him to help him to develop the social-emotional skills he will need for school. Much of this can be accomplished simply by modeling and practicing prosocial behavior, and by giving him lots of opportunities to practice as well, both at home with family, and in social situations with peers. Keep in mind, these skills cannot quickly be built up over the summer before Kindergarten begins. They should be worked on and practiced throughout early childhood to help prepare him for eventually starting school.
Helping your soon-to-be Kindergartener understand and control his emotions will lead to a happier and more productive school year for everyone. Read on to learn about some of the most valuable social-emotional skills that can help your child be ready for Kindergarten, as well as tips to help develop these skills at home.
Identify Feelings and Emotions
A big part of learning to get along with others is understanding that other people have feelings and emotions. This is something you can help your child understand long before he starts school. Show him pictures of different emojis and see if he can name how each one feels – happy, sad, angry, tired, sick, etc. When you read a story together, pause and discuss how the character is feeling. “How is Elmo feeling? How do you know?”
Understanding the feelings of others is how children learn and practice empathy. Your child will be able to be a good friend to his peers if he can recognize how they are feeling and respond appropriately. For example, if he sees that a friend is feeling sad, he can show empathy by patting him on the back or saying “What’s wrong?”
Work with your child to recognize his own feelings as well. If he can tell you that he is angry, for example, ask him why. Gently encourage him to use statements to explain how he is feeling, beginning with the word I. “I feel sad because it’s raining, and we can’t go outside.” “I feel happy because I get to play with my train.” Using I-statements helps keep us from blaming and instead places emphasis on what we can control – our own thoughts and feelings.
Ask for Help
With most Kindergarten classrooms having only one teacher for 20 or more students, your child will need to be comfortable voicing his needs to the teacher. Many young children are shy about speaking up or asking for help, especially in an unfamiliar situation, so prepare her ahead of time. You can even play school together. Have her be the teacher and you be the student. Model how to raise your hand and ask to use the restroom. Then switch roles and have her practice. Remind her that the teacher is there to help her.
Give her opportunities to practice speaking up, especially around adults besides Mom and Dad. You can start small and go at a pace she is comfortable with. Teach her to use words, rather than whines or gestures, to ask for something she needs. If an adult says “hello” to her, encourage her to wave or say “hello” back.
Slowly work up to bigger challenges if she is ready. If you go to visit the library and are looking for a certain book, can she practice asking the librarian herself? If you go get ice cream, can she tell the clerk what flavor she would like? Little by little, guide her through the process of speaking up when she needs something. This will help it seem much less overwhelming by the time she begins school.
Take Turns and Wait for Her Turn
Delayed gratification, or having the patience to wait for something even when you want it now, is a valuable life skill. But for young children, this can be difficult, especially for those who are not used to being around other children in large groups. With large class sizes in many schools, children will have to do their fair share of waiting and taking turns.
You can practice this skill at home by talking about what it means to wait patiently. If your child needs something (and it’s not an emergency) while you are busy, practice having her wait for a few minutes until you are finished. Praise her when she waits without whining.
If you immediately drop everything to help her every time she asks, she will expect this same treatment at school. Helping her learn to wait is teaching her a valuable life skill. Likewise, do not allow her to interrupt conversations; teach her how to wait until you stop talking and then say “Excuse me”.
Children also learn turn-taking through playing games. Think about age-appropriate board games such as Candy Land or Chutes and Ladders. Practice taking turns in play will help her develop patience.
The best way to learn to take turns with other children, however, is to practice being around other children. Many 5-year-olds participate in team sports or scouting. These are great opportunities to practice being in large groups of children with just a few adults. Your child will learn how to be patient and take turns, along with many other important social skills!
Use Kind Words and Play Nicely with Peers
Kindergarten involves lots of group activities and opportunities for socialization. Your child will be expected to work and play nicely with other children, so it helps he has experience getting along with diverse groups of peers. This is another area where team sports or scouting can be helpful.
Students who struggle to make friends or tend to get into disagreements with others frequently may have difficulty with the Kindergarten transition. If you have observed your child has trouble getting along with others, he may need some explicit teaching and modeling of prosocial behavior.
Talk about how kind words make other people feel good. Together, you can role play different scenarios to give him some practice. Have fun with it! You can have stuffed animals pretending to play together but arguing over what game to play. Talk about how they can resolve the problem using nice words. Remind him that teachers in school are there to help, and that he can always get an adult to help if there is a problem.
Accept and Move on From Disappointment
Think about what happens when something does not go your child’s way. Does he shrug it off and move on, or does he pout and get mad? Accepting disappointment sounds simple enough, but many young children need help with this skill. In Kindergarten, there will be times when things do not happen the way he wants them to. The teacher may not call on him when he has his hand raised. Someone else may be using the playground toy he wanted to play with. To be successful in school, he will need to learn to accept these small disappointments and move on.
If something disappointing happens, say his favorite book was checked out from the library, or there are no swings left to play on at the park, start by acknowledging what happened and empathizing. “I understand you are disappointed. I know you wanted to play on the swings.” Then help him think of an alternate plan. “What can you do instead?”
If he tends to get very angry or distraught over small disappointments, it is time to teach him some techniques to deal with his anger. For example, count to 5 or take 3 deep “belly breaths”. Teach and practice these when he is calm, and work together to help him remember them when he is feeling angry.
Also think about the reaction he gets from you if he pouts or throws a tantrum. Do you give in, or do you ignore? It is important not to reinforce the behavior by giving in or giving him the desired outcome. If tantrums at home result in Mom and Dad giving him what he wants, he may try these at school and expect the same result.
Attend to One Task for an Age-Appropriate Length of Time
The general rule of thumb is that children should be able to focus on one task for three minutes for every year of their age. A 5-year-old Kindergarten student should be able to do one thing – whether sitting and listening to a story, playing a Math game during Centers time, or working on a coloring sheet – for at least 15 minutes.
Help your child practice this skill at home by giving her “assignments”. These don’t have to be schoolwork – they can be fun! Ask her to play in her room for a set amount of time while you work on something else. Have her work on a puzzle while you cook dinner.
This is also a good time to think about giving her some small household tasks of her own. Think of a few jobs around the house that can be hers alone. Making her bed, putting food in the dog’s bowl, putting away her toys before bedtime. Help her feel a sense of responsibility and personal accomplishment while strengthening her ability to focus on a task.
Persevere Through Difficulty
This is difficult skill for adults and kids alike. When something is hard, the easiest thing to do is to throw up our hands and quit. But learning to work through frustrations and keep going, what educators refer to as “grit”, is a valuable life skill. Students who develop grit are more successful in school and in life than those who struggle to persevere through difficulty.
Help your child develop grit by talking about how it is OK if some things are hard for us. We might not know how to do everything yet, but we can practice and stick with it, and then we will learn how to do it. Teachers call this “growth mindset”. We can do hard things by working hard and not giving up!
Tell your child that when he was a baby, he did not yet know how to crawl. But he tried and tried, and one day he figured it out. What are some other things he had to learn how to do? How did he learn and what helped him?
Give him an opportunity to practice new skills that he might not have mastered yet. For example, roller skating, riding a bike with or without training wheels, or hitting a T-ball. Take time with him every day to practice the skill and praise his hard work. As he sees his own improvement, he will begin to understand that by not giving up, we can overcome challenges.
Praise effort, not ability. When your child accomplishes a task, tell him “Wow, you worked really hard!” instead of “Wow, you’re so smart!”. This helps him understand that he can work hard to achieve a desired outcome and will encourage him to stick with it even when a task is diffModeling appropriate social behaviors and giving your child lots of chances to practice these behaviors is one of the most important things you can do as a parent to prepare your child for Kindergarten. It will be a work in progress throughout early childhood, but the important thing is that his parents are role models and guides as he learns emotional control and regulation. We cannot expect children to be born knowing how to control their emotions, but we can mentor and teach them along the way. Giving them the skills to be successful in Kindergarten is a wonderful gift that will help them throughout their school career.